Years ago God told me that my healing would happen in my transparency! I heard his voice clear as day and immediately began to be more expressive in telling my testimonies. For almost a year now I’ve tried to completely heal from a horrible breakup but it seems I always hit bumps on my road to total healing. Last week my life was forever changed and I know that my complete healing will not take place until I become fully transparent.
I haven’t written in years…I believe. Although my notes are full and journals overflowing I always stop myself from finishing any piece I write. No wonder those bumps have come up!
Over this past summer my weight began to fluctuate. I dropped two sizes in a matter of months. Everyone would ask what I was doing and if I was ok and believe it or not I never really noticed. I was so focused on getting over a bad situation that my own health wasn’t a priority. I ate occasionally but most time I forgot. All I wanted to do was provide for my babies and make sure they were happy. I had completely LET GO of my own issues and kept my focus on my goal…two happy faces(Jolie and Joie).
I spent four years of my life trying to make good of something God had never intended for me. Because God is not like man, he didn’t allow me to suffer like I could have. No I did not live miserably but I did live uncomfortably. I lived a life of guilt, shame and embarrassment because I had mistaken my loyalty for love.
“I may speak in different languages of people or even angels. But if I do not have love, I am only a noisy bell or a crashing cymbal. I may have the gift of prophecy. I may understand all the secret things of God and have all knowledge, and I may have faith so great I can move mountains. But even with all these things, if I do not have love, then I am nothing. I may give away everything I have, and I may even give my body as an offering to be burned. But I gain nothing if I do not have love. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done. Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth. Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures. Love never ends. There are gifts of prophecy, but they will be ended. There are gifts of speaking in different languages, but those gifts will stop. There is the gift of knowledge, but it will come to an end. The reason is that our knowledge and our ability to prophesy are not perfect. But when perfection comes, the things that are not perfect will end. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I stopped those childish ways. It is the same with us. Now we see a dim reflection, as if we were looking into a mirror, but then we shall see clearly. Now I know only a part, but then I will know fully, as God has known me. So these three things continue forever: faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13 NCV
I am and forever will be an example of true love! I live my life to love and pride myself on loving the right way. I’ve become so consumed with what Love is that I fail to remember what Love is NOT! I want to see the good in everyone and can’t really fathom how people maliciously hurt someone they say they love. I won’t apologize for how I love neither do I have regret but I now know what Love is not! And that’s because I LET GO….
Holding on to the wrong things denies access to the right things, cripples productivity and and blurs vision…
Sometimes letting it go is simply letting it walk away..
BUT I have yet to miss a beat….
Bills paid every month
Babies adjusted well and without major impact
Weight dropped right off
True love found me….
Last week, the girls and I were driving on the Dan Ryan when a car hit us from behind and caused my car to flip 3-4 times. When telling the story of that traumatic experience I often caught myself saying ‘My body went limp and I had accepted death’ God woke me up out of my sleep and said to never repeat those words again. I simply LET GO!
I remember taking my hands off the steering wheel and my body becoming completely relaxed. I didn’t know what was happening but I know at that moment I had no control…smh. Jesus! As I’m writing this my heart is completely overwhelmed. In that moment God showed me exactly what it’s like to LET GO and let God have his way.
Because I let go both my daughters and I WALKED out the hospital with minor injury and LIFE itself!
My car flipped 3-4 times, windows busted out, windshield and roof smashed in, backseat completely over my baby but we have no broken bones and no open wounds!!
When you completely LET GO, things can go haywire in your life, you can be in the fast lane standing still, walls crashing in on you BUT you will remain covered…coming out with very little proof of your struggle.
I’ve lost some things that I thought I couldn’t live without in this year alone. But what God has given surpasses all I could ever imagine.
Today I can proudly say I have fully given my life over to God. We always say our lives are not our own yet we interfere whenever we see an issue. There are things/people in life that are holding us back from reaching our true destiny. But it’s not until we let go that we will ever reach it. Our loyalty is not to man but unto God.
I am more confident today then I have ever been in my life. I do not know what the future holds but I know God is orchestrating it all well.
God is a man of his word. He cannot lie. His word tells us…
“The LORD is my light and the one who saves me. So why should I fear anyone? The LORD protects my life. So why should I be afraid? Evil people may try to destroy my body. My enemies and those who hate me attack me, but they are overwhelmed and defeated. If an army surrounds me, I will not be afraid. If war breaks out, I will trust the LORD. I ask only one thing from the LORD. This is what I want: Let me live in the LORD’ s house all my life. Let me see the LORD’ s beauty and look with my own eyes at his Temple. During danger he will keep me safe in his shelter. He will hide me in his Holy Tent, or he will keep me safe on a high mountain. My head is higher than my enemies around me. I will offer joyful sacrifices in his Holy Tent. I will sing and praise the LORD. LORD, hear me when I call; have mercy and answer me. My heart said of you, “Go, worship him.” So I come to worship you, LORD. Do not turn away from me. Do not turn your servant away in anger; you have helped me. Do not push me away or leave me alone, God, my Savior. If my father and mother leave me, the LORD will take me in. LORD, teach me your ways, and guide me to do what is right because I have enemies. Do not hand me over to my enemies, because they tell lies about me and say they will hurt me. I truly believe I will live to see the LORD’ s goodness. Wait for the LORD’ s help. Be strong and brave, and wait for the LORD’ s help.”
Psalms 27:1-14 NCV
You may lose people, you may lose things, you may even lose feelings you thought once were genuine BUT there’s nothing more comforting in knowing that Gods got you….And you won’t truly experience that until you LET GO!
**Here I stand, and here I’ll stay
Let the storm rage on!….Let it GO Disney’s Frozen
**Your mind will replay what your heart cannot delete! ~ Erin B. Davis
I decided loving ME was more important than losing YOU!
Do whatever you gotta do to LET IT GO…
It’s ok! God’s got you…