Let it Go

Years ago God told me that my healing would happen in my transparency! I heard his voice clear as day and immediately began to be more expressive in telling my testimonies. For almost a year now I’ve tried to completely heal from a horrible breakup but it seems I always hit bumps on my road to total healing. Last week my life was forever changed and I know that my complete healing will not take place until I become fully transparent.

I haven’t written in years…I believe. Although my notes are full and journals overflowing I always stop myself from finishing any piece I write. No wonder those bumps have come up!

Over this past summer my weight began to fluctuate. I dropped two sizes in a matter of months. Everyone would ask what I was doing and if I was ok and believe it or not I never really noticed. I was so focused on getting over a bad situation that my own health wasn’t a priority. I ate occasionally but most time I forgot. All I wanted to do was provide for my babies and make sure they were happy. I had completely LET GO of my own issues and kept my focus on my goal…two happy faces(Jolie and Joie).

I spent four years of my life trying to make good of something God had never intended for me. Because God is not like man, he didn’t allow me to suffer like I could have. No I did not live miserably but I did live uncomfortably. I lived a life of guilt, shame and embarrassment because I had mistaken my loyalty for love.

“I may speak in different languages of people or even angels. But if I do not have love, I am only a noisy bell or a crashing cymbal. I may have the gift of prophecy. I may understand all the secret things of God and have all knowledge, and I may have faith so great I can move mountains. But even with all these things, if I do not have love, then I am nothing. I may give away everything I have, and I may even give my body as an offering to be burned. But I gain nothing if I do not have love. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done. Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth. Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures. Love never ends. There are gifts of prophecy, but they will be ended. There are gifts of speaking in different languages, but those gifts will stop. There is the gift of knowledge, but it will come to an end. The reason is that our knowledge and our ability to prophesy are not perfect. But when perfection comes, the things that are not perfect will end. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I stopped those childish ways. It is the same with us. Now we see a dim reflection, as if we were looking into a mirror, but then we shall see clearly. Now I know only a part, but then I will know fully, as God has known me. So these three things continue forever: faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love.”

1 Corinthians 13 NCV

I am and forever will be an example of true love! I live my life to love and pride myself on loving the right way. I’ve become so consumed with what Love is that I fail to remember what Love is NOT! I want to see the good in everyone and can’t really fathom how people maliciously hurt someone they say they love. I won’t apologize for how I love neither do I have regret but I now know what Love is not! And that’s because I LET GO….

Holding on to the wrong things denies access to the right things, cripples productivity and and blurs vision…

Sometimes letting it go is simply letting it walk away..

Money gone…

Familiarity gone….

Companionship gone…

Security gone….

BUT I have yet to miss a beat….

Bills paid every month

Babies adjusted well and without major impact

Weight dropped right off

True love found me….

Last week, the girls and I were driving on the Dan Ryan when a car hit us from behind and caused my car to flip 3-4 times. When telling the story of that traumatic experience I often caught myself saying ‘My body went limp and I had accepted death’ God woke me up out of my sleep and said to never repeat those words again. I simply LET GO!

I remember taking my hands off the steering wheel and my body becoming completely relaxed. I didn’t know what was happening but I know at that moment I had no control…smh. Jesus! As I’m writing this my heart is completely overwhelmed. In that moment God showed me exactly what it’s like to LET GO and let God have his way.

Because I let go both my daughters and I WALKED out the hospital with minor injury and LIFE itself!

My car flipped 3-4 times, windows busted out, windshield and roof smashed in, backseat completely over my baby but we have no broken bones and no open wounds!!

When you completely LET GO, things can go haywire in your life, you can be in the fast lane standing still, walls crashing in on you BUT you will remain covered…coming out with very little proof of your struggle.

I’ve lost some things that I thought I couldn’t live without in this year alone. But what God has given surpasses all I could ever imagine.

Today I can proudly say I have fully given my life over to God. We always say our lives are not our own yet we interfere whenever we see an issue. There are things/people in life that are holding us back from reaching our true destiny. But it’s not until we let go that we will ever reach it. Our loyalty is not to man but unto God.

I am more confident today then I have ever been in my life. I do not know what the future holds but I know God is orchestrating it all well.

God is a man of his word. He cannot lie. His word tells us…

“The LORD is my light and the one who saves me. So why should I fear anyone? The LORD protects my life. So why should I be afraid? Evil people may try to destroy my body. My enemies and those who hate me attack me, but they are overwhelmed and defeated. If an army surrounds me, I will not be afraid. If war breaks out, I will trust the LORD. I ask only one thing from the LORD. This is what I want: Let me live in the LORD’ s house all my life. Let me see the LORD’ s beauty and look with my own eyes at his Temple. During danger he will keep me safe in his shelter. He will hide me in his Holy Tent, or he will keep me safe on a high mountain. My head is higher than my enemies around me. I will offer joyful sacrifices in his Holy Tent. I will sing and praise the LORD. LORD, hear me when I call; have mercy and answer me. My heart said of you, “Go, worship him.” So I come to worship you, LORD. Do not turn away from me. Do not turn your servant away in anger; you have helped me. Do not push me away or leave me alone, God, my Savior. If my father and mother leave me, the LORD will take me in. LORD, teach me your ways, and guide me to do what is right because I have enemies. Do not hand me over to my enemies, because they tell lies about me and say they will hurt me. I truly believe I will live to see the LORD’ s goodness. Wait for the LORD’ s help. Be strong and brave, and wait for the LORD’ s help.”

Psalms 27:1-14 NCV

You may lose people, you may lose things, you may even lose feelings you thought once were genuine BUT there’s nothing more comforting in knowing that Gods got you….And you won’t truly experience that until you LET GO!

**Here I stand, and here I’ll stay

Let the storm rage on!….Let it GO Disney’s Frozen

**Your mind will replay what your heart cannot delete! ~ Erin B. Davis

I decided loving ME was more important than losing YOU!

Do whatever you gotta do to LET IT GO…

It’s ok! God’s got you…

H.I.T

Javon❤️

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ComingSoon

Where’s the book of life instructions personalized for me? And no I don’t want the bible you deep churchy folks smh. I’m talking about the book my mom should’ve brought home from the hospital where it gives you a play by play on my life and what I should do to assure the ‘perfect’ life. Doesn’t exist I see.

The past few months have been really a test for me. I haven’t written anything in totality in almost a year. So many people have come to me asking why haven’t I written and what’s going on. It’s not like I don’t have anything to say it’s just that I only wanna speak when God releases me to. I know I’ve had this feeling plenty of times before but I don’t feel worthy enough to help anyone else. It wasn’t until Sunday that God spoke to me clear as day and said Coming Soon….

I sat in church and I cried like a baby not because I fully understood his words but I began to feel a pain I’ve never felt before. My body started aching and my head pounding. I wasn’t sick and I had a good nights rest. Why after God spoke did I instantly feel pain? I texted my sister because I knew the two were related. She told me that means an there’s an urgency in the word God has given me.
It feels like God has me in a waiting position AGAIN… I know better than to question God but I’ve gotten to the point where instead of needing answers I’ve settled in confusion. Which the bible speaks clearly on “God is not a God of confusion but a God of peace. As is true in all the churches of God’s people,”‭‭ 1Corinthians‬ ‭14:33‬ ‭NCV‬‬

So I pull out my bible like I do every time I need to fight and I instantly go to 1 Peter because I’m reminded of a scripture that says after you suffered a little while….

No matter which version of the bible you read it is very clear that the suffering won’t last long. I’d gotten to the point in this last year that I began to get frustrated with struggle. After I conquered one thing there’s another peaking around the corner. I didn’t give up but I told myself ‘after this ill get back to it’. BIG MISTAKE! We can’t forget as Christians we are not exempt from struggle and we still must carry out our purpose even in the midst of adversity. Look at Jeremiah!!

In order to get my attention God began to speak through the people around me. My brother told me that everybody around me was going through something that had nothing to do with them and everything to do with their connection to me. Sometime God will shake up the lives of the people closest to you all to get your attention. Do you see how important you are?!

Suffering puts things into perspective…places value on things we’ve taken for granted. If you hadn’t suffered you wouldn’t know to appreciate what’s to come.   

I have to admit I’ve been suffering and I even got to the point that I lost my focus. Everything seemed unclear. Now I’m not saying I forgot my purpose or that I didn’t trust God but my lenses had began to get a bit blurry. I lost sight of my goal. I got consumed with my current situation. I began to only focus on the now. Trying to figure out why, when and how I got here.

Now had I stayed focused on my goals, Gods promises for me or even my purpose how much different would this outcome be? It’s like walking in a rain storm….you don’t stop because it’s raining. You keep going until you reach your destination. Yes your glasses may fog up, you may get wet, you might even slip and fall but you NEVER stop.

I remember when I was younger one of the greatest CDs ever made (in my opinion) was about to be released…The MisEducation of Lauryn Hill. I feel like I waited for an eternity for that cd to come out. That’s all they talked about on mtv and bet. It was a HUGE deal. The single came out and it only made the anticipation greater. I learned every word to the song, played it everyday up until I finally got the album. When Dreamgirls was about to be released in theaters we knew about it close to a year in advance. We read reviews, heard the music and even saw previews. I’ll never forget it was released on Christmas Day! We made plans with friends and family to attend all because of a ‘sneak peak’.

God has promised me some stuff. I haven’t forgotten it. He showed me a preview. I got a taste of it the last time he pulled me through. I know exactly what to expect. Anything of good quality goes through a process. So it’s COMING SOON!

What’s to come is better than what’s been! ~ Bishop Larry Trotter

“Let your patience show itself perfectly in what you do. Then you will be perfect and complete and will have everything you need.” James‬ ‭1:4 NCV


“And after you suffer for a short time, God, who gives all grace, will make everything right. He will make you strong and support you and keep you from falling. He called you to share in his glory in Christ, a glory that will continue forever.”‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:10‬ ‭NCV‬‬

Wait on it!

H.I.T,

Javon

Experience

It’s after midnight. So it’s pretty much my birthday and I kinda just wanted to write. Just my thoughts…no clear direction. I’m 31 now! Yay!! I guess… I’m sitting here thinking, I never really thought about being 30. I wasn’t the girl who dreamed of being married, having kids with a big house. I remember most of my dreams being about traveling the world, owning businesses and having the coolest dinner parties ever! Funny right?

Well how did I end up being married, divorced and now mother of two all before 31? God has a funny way of throwing a wrench in ur plans. I’m not mad about my journey. I don’t live my life like that. The dreams I had are still mine and if it be his will I’ll see them come to past. I think I found my direction for this post…. 🙂

I admire Kimora Simmons. I wish I was her little sister, not her friend or employee because she’d probably make me cry. She’s really stern lol. But Kimora has had a few failed relationships BUT they never were negatively publicized and she never lost herself, her grind or her success. She has three children and one on the way. An awesome mother and a phenomenal business woman.

I got engaged when I was 20, married at 21. I know exactly what you’re thinking because I am too NOW! I had never lived on my own. I didn’t have a drivers license. I was a Virgin😳. A spoiled daddy’s girl. But most importantly a girl that never thought twice about marriage…it just seemed so far fetched for me. Javon getting married?! HUH?

Well I had the perfect wedding. Daddy gave me everything I wanted. Flew to New York to get the perfect dress, reception dress made by Barbara Bates, two pair of Stuart Weitzman shoes, horse and carriage, plated reception dinner prepared by a chef at Wolfgang Puck…I mean I had the fairy tale wedding. But who’s fairy tale was it?

My marriage was ended after 6 years, a beautiful little girl and tons of lessons learned. You gotta get my book for those details (speaking into my future). During my separation I moved to Nashville, a very dark time in my life. Without assumption or hesitation I can honestly say I cried every single day. I remember a time I stood in the middle of my living room floor, in the dark screaming to the top of my lungs. I didn’t understand how my life had in my opinion,then, spiraled out of control. I was raised to save myself till marriage..I did that. Submit to my husband..I did that. Keep God first..I did that too!!! Totally lost and depressed but still had to be mommy. Did I mention I was alone in Nashville? Just my one year old daughter, a one bedroom apartment (no tv) and my brothers old truck. Mind you I got my license the day before I left to move there.

I never imagined marriage so why in the world would I even give thought to divorce?! It was probably the hardest season of my life. I admit showing weakness is very embarrassing to me. If you’re not my friend/family and you’ve seen me cry it was more than likely in worship or happiness. I do not like to show weakness. So going from a very public marriage and fairy tale wedding to now divorce was humiliating for me. Yes I ran. I don’t need a pity party or company for my misery. I got no enjoyment out of being the damsel in distress, bashing the other party but more than anything I wanted to be an overcomer!

I read books, I prayed more than ever and my greatest accomplishment was reading my bible every single day. So when you see me quoting scriptures I actually know those because during my weakness I fed myself with his word for strength. I fasted from my phone for 23 hours a day, turned my phone on for one hour just to speak with family. I’m trying to get you to understand how desperate I was to be BETTER!

There was this tiny face looking up to me everyday smiling and ready to grow, how could I disappoint her? What would she think of me if I failed? Let go? So I pressed through, came back home and took my life back without explanation. There are storms we go through in life that we can’t run from. They shape us for who we are now! I’ve been conversing with friends lately about relationships and I realize how prominent my divorce is in how I handle my relationships. Because I do not want to be in that dark place again, I find myself living a ‘what if’ life. What if it doesn’t work? What if this is a bad decision? So I live with a plan b and c. Not regretfully living but living to learn to become better. I don’t know if that’s healthy but it’s me and apart of my transparency.

I’m a true lover. I’m able to look past a lot and still fully love a person. Therefore I hurt tremendously. I don’t let many get that close bcuz I’m living that ‘what if’ life, but I have had a few that have gone completely wrong or were just learning lessons. I am in no way perfect and may not have gotten right yet. But that doesn’t mean I won’t.

Go through with grace. Find that something to hold on to…mine is and was, being a mother my girls can look up to.

Don’t let dead things hold you hostage…You’re NOT dead!

No matter how embarrassed you are, how regretful you have become, how humiliating it might be…You can’t change it! Live through it!

Life is a series of adjustments; You can make changes along the way, but if you dodn’t start moving forward you’ll never get anywhere! ~ Kimora Lee Simmons

Rest well in the entire 23rd Psalm. In every tough situation I’ve quoted this aloud daily….

Just me rattling on….
H.I.T
Javon

Human

I’ve been writing this blog in my head for weeks. In the midst of a rough season I had already knew how I’d write/tell my testimony. I spoke it before it even came to pass.

I was disappointed in myself and confused as to why I had writers block when God clearly told me that my healing was in my transparency…why don’t I just write through my storm right? Wrong! There are some seasons of our lives that God wants us to be quiet. We can reference Jesus fasting for forty days and nights. His time alone with God empowered him for the journey ahead and prepared him for his public ministry.

When I decided to start blogging, as soon as I posted the first post the attacks began to come…NO LIE! My spirit got low but my faith remained strong and I spoke my way out of every storm. Kept writing and being positive even though most days I wanted to crawl in the bed and cry. And honestly some days I actually did.

It started off when I found out I was pregnant. I made a dream board in January, the biggest word on the board was BABY! My dream came true right!? I should be overjoyed…. I wanted to be. But I wasn’t. Deep down I was ecstatic, I knew my daughter would be the happiest little girl in the world. But I beat myself up about it. Wondering if my testimony had lost it’s power. If my mistake would cost me my dreams. I worried about what other people would think of me and how they’d view me. Mind you in my own world behind closed doors I was already picking out baby names….

Then the time came for me to move. Every time I applied I got denied. I had the money, proof of income and no evictions but all I kept hearing was NO! Started thinking what had I done wrong? Why was everything all of a sudden beginning to crumble. The beginning of the year bought nothing but blessings…. New Job, major opportunities, deeper friendships, closer walk with Christ.

So what’s the tea?! 🙂
Why was everything seeming so dark lately? I remember driving after a storm and seeing a rainbow, Jolie was so excited, as was I. I asked if she knew what a rainbow meant. She said no, so I told her it was a symbol of God’s promise. She was so happy. I remember her clear as day saying, ‘Are we the only ones that can see it? Is God only speaking to us?’ I said no I believe it’s for everyone who sees it but if we’re the only ones who sees it then it’s just for us! Her 6 year old self said…That means God is gonna give us everything we been asking for just like he did before. Smh!
I never forgot those words spoken from the mouth of a child. It was so easy for her. So matter of fact. It’s like she kept pulling on me but I still didn’t get it.

My two hour ultrasound brought the good news of a new little girl but also the fear of a cyst on her brain. I’m a natural cry baby but this news didn’t bring tears. Actually it brought nothing but silence. I didn’t tell anybody, not family or friends. I kept quiet and cried out to God through prayer. It frightened me but it kinda just sat on the pile of disappointment with everything else I was feeling.

You ever been so low till you didn’t even know you were low? We’ll let me tell you about it. I still identified my faith as being strong although there was not much power behind it. I prayed, I spoke better but did I really believe? Was I putting in the work? The bible clearly says My brothers and sisters, if people say they have faith, but do nothing, their faith is worth nothing. Can faith like that save them? (‭James‬ ‭2‬:‭14‬ NCV)

I sat in church in Atlanta like a bump on the log and it was that 6 year old again that pulled me to dance with her while the praise was high. That same little girl prayed and asked God to give her a dance bcuz she didn’t wanna be playing like the other kids in church. She was unconsciously putting fuel behind Gods promises…action with that faith!

God clearly said to me one day as I was driving through a bad storm…. You have faith but no power. It was then I realized why everything had took a turn for me. I had begun to get so consumed with the things of the world, people’s opinion, my CURRENT situation…all the while my faith was dead. Screaming IM NEXT but stuck in my NOW!

I’m HUMAN…flawed! I’m strong, I’m confident but sometimes I get weak. Find that person, that thing that’ll push you back into your purpose.

I didn’t lose my testimony I gained more power.

I’m typing this as I leave my ultrasound, finding NO CYST headed to my new condo all with refueled power and a unwavering Praise!

I say this because I know what I am planning for you,” says the LORD. “I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future. (‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29‬:‭11‬ NCV)

I’m perfectly human, but I’m an angel in disguise… Brandy, Human

H.I.T,
Javon

Unconditional Love

I’m a lover by nature…Meaning I love love and all things associated with it. I mean like so serious. I stand on the word when it says, Most importantly, love each other deeply, because love will cause people to forgive each other for many sins. (‭1 Peter‬ ‭4‬:‭8‬ NCV) I believe that love can cure all things and I’m backed up bcuz we know the word also says that Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (‭1 John‬ ‭4‬:‭8‬ NCV).

So I believe that’s why I’m so concerned about the next man and the condition of his heart. I’m always confused when people say things like…I don’t believe in love…love sucks! Those are the people my heart aches for.
I was having a conversation with a friend about salvation. He believes he isn’t saved. He was raised in the church, loves God but believe his sins have cost him his salvation. Yes he believes God died on the cross for sins, yes he has accepted Christ into his life but he has this straight and narrow belief of what salvation is. This bothered me deeply. I asked him if he read his bible and prayed. He said not often but he reads my blog 🙂 . Perfect reason for this post.

I don’t profess to be a bible scholar, although I’d love to go to seminary. I don’t walk around toting my bible, oil, speaking in tongues and praying all day. I’m just a girl who loves God and has a personal relationship with him. So my opinion is just that…my opinion. Based off my experience…

What is salvation to me? The gift of eternal life. Asking God to come into your heart, admitting that you have done wrong, asking for forgiveness, vowing to love God and ur neighbor and committing to living a holy life.

Yes that may seem like a lot but that’s my personal definition. Lol. The latter part of the definition is the part where so many people get caught up and feel like they have ‘lost’ their salvation. We are raised to believe that to be saved you have to be pretty close to perfect. But the word says otherwise. No one is perfect, you will sin, you will be tempted and you may fall. But what part of ETERNAL life gives you a deadline? How is something eternal but also ending?

I write this letter to you who believe in the Son of God so you will know you have eternal life. (‭1 John‬ ‭5‬:‭13‬ NCV)
Everyone has sinned and fallen short of God’s glorious standard, and all need to be made right with God by his grace, which is a free gift. They need to be made free from sin through Jesus Christ. God sent him to die in our place to take away our sins. We receive forgiveness through faith in the blood of Jesus’ death. This showed that God always does what is right and fair, as in the past when he was patient and did not punish people for their sins. And God gave Jesus to show today that he does what is right. God did this so he could judge rightly and so he could make right any person who has faith in Jesus. (‭Romans‬ ‭3‬:‭23-26‬ NCV)

We must realize that although we are saved the one thing that covers us is God’s grace. Yes we may sin but we have to immediately ask for forgiveness. He will forgive us. That’s one of the perks of salvation, we are all covered by grace. But if we confess our sins, he will forgive our sins, because we can trust God to do what is right. He will cleanse us from all the wrongs we have done. (‭1 John‬ ‭1‬:‭9‬ NCV)

You may have slipped up and done wrong. Stopped going to church. Felt so far away from God till you can’t pray….But all God needs is for us to come back. He’s always willing to accept us back in his love. NOTHING can separate you…Yes, I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor ruling spirits, nothing now, nothing in the future, no powers, nothing above us, nothing below us, nor anything else in the whole world will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭38-39‬ NCV)

So here’s my advise to you that feel ‘unsaved’ right now…to you that feel disconnected. Remember first it’s only a feeling….We serve a loving God, a compassionate God. He didn’t give you the boot when you messed up. He’s not like man.

Took me a while to get me to the place where I am now but it’s rather easy. Especially if you’ve been in love. When you first fell in love, all you thought about was that other person, first thing you thought of when you woke up, last thing you thought of before you went to sleep. You texted all day, stalked his fb/ig page. Made plans to be with them. You get my drift?

That’s what I had to do at a very dark time in my life…my divorce. I felt like I had disappointed God, felt like a failure. Just felt so empty. I wanted to feel love. So I fell in love with Jesus all over again. I wasn’t quite ready to conquer the bible so I started a prayer journal so I could ‘text’ him all day:) I whispered prayers throughout my daily routine. I made plans to be with him…scheduled quiet time for us…time to go to be a part of a service. I wanted this so bad.

If you want God to smother you with his love. He’s willing ready and available to accept you back. It all starts with YOU! Don’t let a person on this world tell you how your walk with God should look. There’s no cookie cutter way. You are unique and so should your relationship be with your Heavenly Father.

H.I.T,
Javon

Giving Back is the New Black

I made a comment in my last post saying as long as I have family I don’t need many friends. I can say that because that’s not how it’s always been for me. And when I say friends I’m probably not using the word as I should, maybe it’d be better just to say ‘people around’. I had a house full EVERYDAY. And looking back I can honestly say I have no regrets.

But there’s a big difference between then and now. Seasons change as we should. People always screaming ‘ I’m the same ol me’ which in reality that isn’t a good thing. The older I get the more I’m devoted to being a better me daily. I can’t settle for the Javon I was last year. Yea she was cool as a fan but there’s always room for improvement.

My growth forced me to distance myself from certain people and things. Not only am I getting older but I am also a mother, a big sister and a mentor. Each of which I take very serious. I know you’ve heard everything you go through may not be for you but to bless someone else. I was around people going through the same storms as me, they watched me struggle, took what they could from me and kept it moving. So where does the blessing for another come in? I now realize that my role has changed.

All my life I’ve been a giver. As a child (my dad can attest to this) instead of Christmas gifts I wanted to give my portion to the homeless. I was always more satisfied in giving than receiving. Just something about helping another that makes my heart smile. So it wasn’t abnormal for me to have a lot of people around. I enjoyed the company, I took pride in being needed, I loved cooking for everybody…those things just came natural. BUT I had an aha moment…Am I sowing into the right ground?

My aha moment came when I was at a very low point and the people I had been so much to, sowed my all into were nowhere to be found. Not that I was looking because God had me in a place where I only longed for him and he could get my undivided attention but it made everything make sense. Actually I’m still in that place….

People on the outside were quick to put down my circle of ‘friends’ saying they’re using me, not my ‘real’ friends, telling my business….. And still to this day I don’t look at it like that. Call me naive and maybe it’s true but I believe they pushed me to the place I am now. So I have no regrets as I said before. Can’t name a ‘friend’ from the past that I don’t still love…. I had fun now it’s time to get all God has for me.

But now that ground has changed. I’ve been through some things, known and unknown, that I can’t keep to myself. I can’t just sit up and have pity parties with ‘friends’ anymore. Nothing good ever comes from that. There’s healing in my transparency…Both for myself and another. I would walk around feeling so empty, lonely, feeling like I had no one to talk to and no one would understand me. I needed to pour into others so God could pour back into me.

I started this blog as the first step in pouring into others that have/are hurting like me. My family has taken on dual roles now and been friends as well. So when I need someone to hang with or vent to I have them. My new ‘people around’ are those I can pour into. Those I can share my story with in hopes of helping them through a storm. Those that I can teach to love the scripture and use it as a weapon as I have through every test. Those that I can teach how to love on a friend in time of need. Those I can teach to divorce gracefully. Those who I can teach to make MANY mistakes but keep your head high with self pride. Those I can teach to walk in healing. Those who I can teach to become successful independent single moms. Those that I can teach to love and pray for those that hurt them so deeply till they feel no more….

I could go on and on but there’s so much in me that I can’t afford to keep to myself bcuz in doing that I’ll always feel empty.

God is waiting on you to pour into someone else so that he can pour double back into you….

It’s in the word…
Give, and you will receive. You will be given much. Pressed down, shaken together, and running over, it will spill into your lap. The way you give to others is the way God will give to you.” (Luke 6:38 NCV)

From what we get, we can make a living; what we give, however, makes a life ~ Arthur Ashe

H.I.T,
Javon

Broken

Had a pretty eventful week since my last post. When I decided to blog before posting my first entry I prayed and God responded…Are you ready? I had the confused dumb face. But I knew there would be backlash from the enemy just didn’t know what to prepare for. Well…now I know! Lol

I laugh because I know it’s a trick and like that silly rabbit says tricks are for kids! All will be well, I’m on the winning team!

Anywho, during this past week my daughter graduated from Kindergarten. Way more important than anything else that has happened. She’s the only child and grandchild on both sides!! SPOILED ROTTEN TO THE CORE!!! My family were PHD excited! Lol

I’ll cherish that day for more reasons than one. The older I get the more sentimental I am and i took in every moment! I have 3 brothers and one sister. No steps or halfs…we weren’t raised like that. Laurice, Brandi, Larry and LaKheem. We have sooooo many memories together.

Our family was so not typical but was just right for us. We’re all pretty different but we share the same values and that’s what keeps us together. Love, family and support. I think we all have those three things stapled to our brains.

Growing up we were inseparable…maybe not all five at a time lol. Trust me we had our sibling rivalry but there was always reconciliation. We were besties at different times…you’d see Me and Brandi, Larry and LaKheem, Larry and Reese, Me and Larry..etc! We always had a partner in crime.

We went on family vacations every year. Cooked dinner together. Got in trouble together. I mean we lived a pretty good life. So having us all together for my baby’s graduation was a huge deal. We haven’t sat a table and ate dinner together in a long time. Laughing and talking without stress was great. Our times together most recently have all been for sad occasions or stressful times.

Things haven’t been the best lately but I’m choosing to focus on the good memories I’m creating daily and this week happens to be Family…my brothers and sister specifically.

I smile when I think of the silly fights we’ve had in the past years because all of our personalities are so strong nobody is backing down from the fight. Our family has been through the unimaginable mainly bcuz our lives never seemed to be going that way. Unexpected! But I think I can speak for us all when I say it’s definitely brought us all closer together.

I don’t need a gang of friends anymore. I have four of the best friends I could ever have. We’ve become transparent with each other…they know me and all my Tea! Lol and I don’t have to worry about them spilling it. Loyalty is never in question. The older I get the more I live by the less is more thought. I have family I really don’t need many friends. Think that’s gonna be my next blog…hmmmm.

A lot of things may be broken in your life but never break the bond between your family. When everything else crumbles, they’re all you have. Well in my experience and that’s enough. You can’t be such a great person or super saved but you have no relationship with your family. And I’m not speaking of families that are broken for unforeseen reasons although there’s a huge blessing in forgiveness!

I sustain myself with the love of family…Maya Angelou

The strength of a family, like the strength of an army is in it’s loyalty to each other. Mario Puzo

Whoever does not care for his own relatives, especially his own family members, has turned against the faith and is worse than someone who does not believe in God. (1 Timothy 5:8 NCV)

That’s the word…

H.I.T,
Javon

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